April 5, 1982

The day Dad died. 26 years ago and that date still sticks out. Always will, as so many other dates for the same reason. Back is killing me so bad, 4th day now. Blahh!!!!

999 999 9999

I just got a call from the other side. Phone rings, caller ID said 999 999 9999. I pick it up and dead air. Nothing. Hi Mom, or Dad...Gram, Gramps? Keep it coming!!

Goodbyes are never easy

I was in Farmingdale today and of course had to pass my Mom's again. I drove past Friday night around midnight and the lights were on and I seen men standing in the living room. My old room was lit and the dumpster had the downstairs panaling sticking out. Today when I passed ( 3 times )I noticed some more changes. The front door was propped open and I seen them ripping up the carpet on the stairs and the walls seemed to be stripped. The road is so busy even with the 3 times passing I couldn't see how the kitchen ( right at the top of the stairs) looked. It is painful, why do i even do this. But how could you not? Curiosity kills the cat. It could be good though, helps me to get out some emotions. Crying is cleansing. It makes me sad though and makes me miss mom even more. Call me crazy but I am thinking about going Trick or Treating there w/ the kids next Halloween. I wonder if that "smell" will be gone and what it would look like inside. I am going to go park across the street with binoculars 1 night too lol. Nuts I know.

Happy Birthday Mom!

The Broken Chain


We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name. In life we loved you dearly. In death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you. You did not go alone, for part of us went with you the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories. Your love is still our guide. And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side. Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the Chain will link again.

9-11

I think this is the first September 11th that it isn't clear blue skies. I remember the smell in the air. Either way the radio,and television reminds you of the day. The violins playing in the background as the long list of all the poor souls killed that day. So sad. I pray for all the families that lost their loved ones. I pray for the ones who lost their lives.

Bye Bye House Bye Bye Tooth

So today I went to my mom's house. Jenine was very nice to offer to take Ash and Richie while I went. So I go with my camcorder and camera and tried to get some memory on file, but I can't see myself ever forgetting that house or anything about it! I will miss it so much. I was hoping I would get some sort of sign of Mom especially in her room or the room she always was in around the clock ( she actually was found in this room) but nothing. I know she is there but I am always "looking" for her. My oldest brother and his wife and 3 kids moved in pretty much as soon as she died, pathetic and didn't pay a dime towards taxes or utilities but did let their kids trash the place with sharpie markers/stickers all over the place and just plain nastyness.. there is so many reasons I resent my brother. I don't even consider him a brother, that is all I can say. I do miss my Goddaughter and their other 2 daughters are almost the same age as Ash and Richie too..unfortunate. As he is in rehab for what the 6th time now? Nice But anyway, after I went back to Jenine's w/ some lunch and the kids got to play some more. Not bad, 3 days in a row they got to play with each other lol. As we were there Ashlee lost her 2nd top front tooth. This will make the 4th trip for the Tooth Fairy so far. Scotty is getting them, Ashlee is losing them lol.

Sadness

Well Today was a good day. Took the kids over to Jenine's and they played and went in the pool. We had lunch and was just nice. Tomorrow is A play date over my house..should be pretty much the same. Jenn and her kids and Brenda and her boys should be coming over too. Kids galore. It'll be fun. Tomorrow night Scott and I are going out to dinner before our babysitter goes back to school. Going to Aqua Blue, never been before, but heard it was good. Thursday I am going over to my Mom's house by myself for 1 last time I guess. I will have the kids but hopefully it will be closure for me. I am going to miss that house. I miss it already. The smell and everything. Going to be weird not seeing my mom there. I never went there without my mom being home, other than when I lived there and she was at work or whatever. I am feeling so sad lately. My heart is aching w/ just missing people. Especially my mom. But Thursday we should be in contract and soon it will be someone else's home. I hope they make it a good home whatever happens.